


With or Without You

by mcgarrygirl78



Series: To Love Again [5]
Category: The West Wing
Genre: Alternate Universe, Drama, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-15
Updated: 2016-05-15
Packaged: 2018-06-08 12:29:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6854647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Claudia Jean, look at me and talk to me."</p>
            </blockquote>





	With or Without You

"Claudia Jean, are you here?"

Greg shook off his umbrella, putting it in the stand. One of those crazy summer storms came out of nowhere…the kind that could last a few minutes or a few days. One never knew and that was part of their allure. He did not like them as much as he used to; his muscles were stiff.

"CJ? Cookie, are you here or am I talking to myself?"

"In the bedroom!" she called out.

Greg could not help but smile at the sound of her voice. He had hoped she would be here when he returned. She fell asleep in his arms last night and woke up ready for loving…which he readily gave. Soon they would be living together and the goofy smile would never leave his face. He walked toward the bedroom as thunder grumbled in the skies above. CJ sat on the bed surrounded by pictures, hundreds of them. The smile faded when Greg saw her.

"Baby, what's the matter. Are you crying?"

"No." CJ shook her head.

"You don't have to lie to me. Why are you crying?"

He moved over to the bed, taking her tearstained face in his hands. The tears had dried but her face was red and puffy. He took a deep breath, hoping he would get an explanation. A year in and they both knew it was better to talk it out than bottle things up. Still CJ had moments when the lockbox was not opening.

"CJ? Baby, please talk to me."

"Its silly." She replied, sniffing.

"Good, you know I love having a laugh at your expense."

"Shut up." She slapped his arm.

Greg smiled and was relieved when CJ did the same thing.

"I was listening to some CDs while I dug into these pictures. On The Wings of Love came on and I guess I got overwhelmed."

"It's a good song."

"It's my wedding song." She said.

"I didn't know that."

"My wedding was almost a disaster…so much happened while we were trying to plan. Leo was being such a man, you know, he just wanted to show up in a tuxedo. Except for the song…he wanted that all to himself. He told me it was a surprise and I had no idea what it was until I walked out on that dance floor."

"I bet you cried." Greg said.

"I did." CJ smiled again. "He even mouthed the words to me. I don't listen to it much anymore."

"I understand." He moved to kiss her lips softly. "You OK?"

"Yeah. Where have you been anyway?"

Greg said he had been out running errands. He also had to go and see his editor…he was hoping to have the memoir on bookshelves by her birthday. CJ read the nearly final draft two weeks ago, damn if she did not have an interesting life. Greg did her job, marriage and adventures justice with a partisan eye. She thought it was wonderful and had no problem telling him so as often as possible.

"What is with all the pictures?" he asked.

He smiled, sliding his arms around her waist. She pulled him closer.

"I am going to surprise Nora for her birthday. Almost 30 years of photographs, can you believe it? There are more at my place; this is definitely going to be a project but a woman doesn't turn 65 everyday."

"Her birthday is in a few weeks." He replied.

"Hey, CJ McGarry is all about Grace under pressure. I have it all under control."

"Of that love, I have little doubt." Greg kissed her nose.

CJ smiled, sliding back against the pillows and pulling Greg on top of her. She used her feet to push all the photos to the bottom of the bed. Greg shifted his weight on top of her; did not want to be too heavy.

"I love you CJ."

"I love you too. Do we have a song?"

"Of course we do."

"What is it?"

"It will make me look like a dandy." He said.

"I can handle that."

"I just bet you can."

"Tell me honey."

She reached down to caress his erection and Greg moaned. When she did that he would tell her anything…bank numbers, the combination to the vault, every source he ever had. Who the hell was he kidding; she already knew most of that stuff.

"With or Without You."

"Seriously?"

"A very specific part." He kissed her as he undressed her. "My hands are tied, my body bruised, she got me with, nothing to win and nothing left to lose."

"Oh Greg."

"From the first time I saw you. When I walked into your office and you wanted an advance on the Sunday magazine. I can admit now I dropped the disk on purpose…I had a crush on you like you wouldn't believe."

"God, was that really the first day we met?" CJ lifted the polo shirt over his head.

"Yeah. Full Disclosure…it made a small splash."

"I would really prefer if we never talk about him or his book." CJ said.

"Understood. Actually, talking is the furthest thing from my mind right now."

***

"What are you cooking?"

CJ came into the kitchen dressed in yoga pants and a tank top. Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail, still damp from the shower. Greg had a bit of trouble concentrating on the meal. They spent their afternoon in various forms of lovemaking, and hell if he did not feel 50 again. Between the Centrum Silver, the new diet, and CJ McGarry, Greg would live a nice long life.

"Stuffed chicken breast and fresh green beans. Those summer beans you bought at Whole Foods."

CJ smiled, the dietary changes were working. She poured herself a glass of apricot wine before wrapping her arms around him. Greg almost shivered when she kissed the nape of his neck.

"Is Buttons alright?" he asked, seasoning the chicken.

"Nora made sure he was fed and played with. God, having my best friends 3 floors down is spoiling me rotten."

"What is it going to do when they are 2 floors down?"

In November, CJ and Greg would settle on their new condo, one floor down from where she currently lived. They were only losing 1500 square feet; it was still a three bedroom. And it would be theirs.

"It will be even better. Hey, where were you this afternoon?"

"I went to see my editor and my agent. I have been offered another biography."

"Oh Greg, that's terrific." She lit a cigarette, her last major vice. "Who?"

"John Hoynes."

"What?"

CJ had to sit down…he could not have possibly have said John Hoynes. Hadn't he done enough damage with the bullshit of Full Disclosure?

"I have got to tell you cookie, it was a big boon. This guy is the original chameleon. Think about it, charismatic junior Senator, front runner for the ticket, Vice-President, disgrace, Phoenix-like rising, failed run, back to the Senate, senior Senator, health problems…it is exciting."

"You cannot write a book on John Hoynes." She said simply.

"Why not?"

"Because he tried to destroy my husband. He tried to destroy me."

Her tone surprised him; Greg turned to look at her. The angry look in her eyes also caught him off guard.

"CJ…"

"You cannot write a book about John Hoynes."

"I have not made a final decision on anything. He is no archangel but his story is worth writing."

"He said enough to last a lifetime in Full Disclosure. Do not become part of his game."

"Claudia Jean, what is the matter with you? I am neutral; and remain so when I am writing. I know he is not your favorite person but…"

"He has to know about us. He is doing this on purpose."

"I really have no idea what you are talking about."

"You cannot do this Greg. If you love me…"

"No, uh uh. Don't you dare give me an ultimatum. I am a writer; I write. Everyone has a story to tell, even the people we don't like."

"You are willing to be a mouthpiece to his lies?" she asked. "You don't even care about my feelings?"

"Hold on, you know that is not true. Of course I care about your feelings baby."

"You don't. If you write this book, you do not love me."

"Don't say that to me. CJ…"

"I'm going home."

She stood and headed for the door. Greg followed, with no real idea as to what was happening.

"Don't walk out; talk to me."

"There is nothing left to say. You do what you want and I will too."

"Please don't go CJ." he said.

She walked out without another word and Greg stood in the foyer. He didn't know what had just happened, but it felt eerily familiar.

***

"Please tell me that you've spoken to him in the past three days." Nora said.

She, CJ, and Donna sat in CJ's living room. They drank iced tea and relaxed. It had been a busy day of shopping and making the rounds in Manhattan before meeting Carol and Daisy at their favorite Vietnamese place for lunch.

"And what are you going to do if I tell you just that?" CJ asked.

"Beat you about the head with a blunt instrument."

"I think I can handle it." the former Second Lady sighed. "He is going to write the damn book."

"You don't know that. You won't even talk to him and he's left 12 messages."

"15, but I'm not counting."

"I'm sorry, but I don't see a big problem." Donna said. "The man had a colorful life. To go down in flames like he did, twice, and rise back to prominence in the party is proof of something."

"Yes, Democrats are stupid." CJ grumbled.

"He is a modern day Ted Kennedy." Donna went on. "At least he did not leave the scene of the crime."

"He left the scene of many." CJ whispered.

"I know you don't like him, and Full Disclosure left us reeling, but that was a lifetime ago."

"Not for all of us Donna. Some things feel like yesterday."

"What are you not telling me?" Donna asked. "Nora?"

"I cannot betray CJ's confidence." Nora replied.

"Tell her. Just tell her."

"Too many years ago to count CJ had a one night stand with a married Senator. It was a low point…we all have them. It happened and she tries to live with it."

"Oh my God CJ, I didn't…"

"I know you didn't. John Hoynes is…I don't want with Greg involved with him. Why did he pick him? Its just John twisting in the knife in my side; he knows that night is the one thing that haunts me. This is a town full of writers…he happens to pick my boyfriend. Please."

"I knew there was something." Donna said. "All these years and I knew it was more than what happened at the White House. I'm sorry CJ."

"Don't apologize to me sweetie. I should have told you a long time ago but honestly I wish I could purge the memory from my soul."

"Well Greg doesn't know about this. Maybe you should tell him."

"Forgive me Nora if I don't want to tell another man I love that I am a slut."

"You are not a slut." Donna replied. "Don't say that about yourself."

"I knew he was married and I went anyway. What do we call that?"

"You regret it." Nora said. "You were willing to risk your career so that no other woman would regret it. It was a mistake and you can't let it ruin what you have with Greg. It was so long ago CJ."

CJ shook her head.

"I've been there CJ." Donna said.

"What?"

CJ and Nora looked at her.

"What do you mean?" CJ asked.

"Josh and I…Election Day."

"Oh my God!" Nora exclaimed. "You never told us."

"I never told a soul. Cliff and I had established that after the election, no matter the outcome, we were going to be together, and I fucked Josh. Twice. I had to know, I had to know if I was making the right decision. I had to know if Josh was who I wanted. He was not."

"What happened?" Nora asked.

"I had to tell Cliff. I could never keep a secret like that from him. It was one of the worst moments of my life…sometimes I close my eyes and still see the look on his face. He forgave me though, and he understood. To this day it still haunts me that I almost ruined the best thing over a stupid mistake."

CJ's mind flashed back to the night she told Leo about John Hoynes. He understood. He said no one lived a life without regrets. Oh God that was the first day she met Greg; the day With or Without You went through his head.

"I thought I was over this." She said.

"Talk to him." Nora replied. "He cannot make an informed decision without knowing."

"I cannot tell him about that night. I can make something up but I cannot tell him."

"Fine, don't. Returning his call is a good start." Donna said.

CJ smirked, lighting a cigarette. Nora followed suit and poured more tea.

"I am working on a project and left my things there. I have to go get them."

Buttons jumped in her lap and she petted him.

"What project?" Nora asked.

"Nothing special, just something I'm working on. It's personal."

Nothing was personal between the best friends so Nora assumed it was something for her birthday. She let it drop, there were other more important things right now. She put her hand on CJ's arm.

"Call him."

"Yeah I will."

"I'm not sure I believe you." Donna said.

"I promise." she turned to look at Nora. "You owe me $100. I so told you Josh and Donna did the deed."

"Nice." The blonde laughed. "With friends like you two…"

***

"Are you alright mom? You seem a bit off."

Tim came into the den, sitting down in the chair and sipping his cranapple juice.

"Are you kidding me? I am holding the second most beautiful baby boy ever in my arms. I'm fine."

Her grandson, Declan Sean McGarry, was falling asleep. He was born a few weeks early in mid-July, but weighed in at a healthy six and a half pounds. CJ saw so much of his grandfather in his tiny face but she thought it might be wishful thinking. He had the most beautiful green eyes and she knew she could stare at him forever.

"You can talk to me you know."

"I do know. When did Stephen leave?"

"Sunday, he will be gone a week. He was so cute, you should have seen him. He didn't want to leave Declan. He has the serious maternal yearnings and it just makes me giggle. It will be funny to see him go back to school in September."

"So teaching is his niche, huh?"

"Mom, he loves it and he is so good at it. Those kids are responding to him. This year he's already planning a trip to DC. And I know he wants to go to Colonial Williamsburg if the administration will let them. He is so happy; we both are."

"I am so glad honey."

"Yeah." Tim smiled. "You think dad would be proud of Declan?"

"Are you serious? Between him and Charlie's two girls, Leo wouldn't know what to do with himself. He's watching them, I know that."

Just a few days after Declan was born Charlie went into New York Presbyterian to have her second child. She and Brendan were the proud parents of Georgie Jean Spencer, who tipped the scales at nine pounds, twelve ounces. Charlie doted on both of her girls and she and Brendan reached a new understanding of themselves and their relationship. The McGarry kids were going to be fine. Hopefully their mother would be around for another decade or two...see how it all turned out.

"Greg and I had a fight."

CJ stood, putting Declan in his bassinet.

"That's what I figured." Tim replied.

"Oh did you? What else did you figure Kreskin?"

Tim smiled and CJ saw her late husband. It made her smile.

"You were just off, the same kind of off you used to be when you and dad fought. What did you fight about?"

"He has been offered a chance to write John Hoynes' biography."

"He has a biography."

"Yes, but apparently those in the know think a second one is in order. The post-Full Disclosure years. Some people think Greg should write it."

"You are not one of those people. He is an excellent writer…he did you justice."

"I don't want him to do John Hoynes justice…let history and the masses take care of that. I don't like John and I don't want Greg involved with him in any way, shape, or form. That's it."

"I'm sure that's not it, but OK. When are you going to talk to him?"

"I don't know. I think I passed the time limit already. Tell me about your classes sweetie."

Tim smiled and started talking about school. He knew his mother, just as his father had. She would handle the situation in her own time and way. There was nothing anyone could do to force her hand.

***

Greg opened the door and looked at CJ standing on the other side with a small travel bag.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

"Can I come in? I left things here and I need them."

"Yeah."

CJ walked in without a word, stopping in the living room when she saw the half-eaten burger and beer on the coffee table.

"What are you eating?" she asked.

"Lunch."

"It's a cheeseburger."

"Wow, so it is."

"Greg," she turned to look at him. "You should not be eating red meat; your doctor said…"

"What the hell do you care?" he asked.

"Of course I care."

"You don't care!" he exclaimed. "You walked out on me when I asked you to stay. You haven't talked to me in five days…not a peep. You don't care."

"Greg, I…"

"Get your shit CJ, OK. You don't want to be here, and I…" he couldn't finish the sentence. "I need to eat to my lunch in peace."

"Don't eat that. Please."

He ignored her, walking around her and sitting on the couch. He took a healthy bite of the burger and she sighed, going back to the bedroom. All of her pictures had been placed in the memento box and the scrapbook placed on top. CJ stuffed it in the bag, along with some perfume, pajamas, and a pair of sandals. She went into the nightstand drawer for some books and saw the picture of her was turned down. CJ went to turn it up, surprised when the glass fell out. He must have been really angry with her. She was angry with herself.

"Be careful. I don't want to be blamed when you cut yourself."

The sound of Greg's voice startled CJ. She just looked at him.

"You have every right to be pissed at me." She said.

"You're damn right I do."

"Greg, there are things you don't know and don't understand."

"Maybe we could have talked about it the other night, like rational adults, if you wouldn't have run out. Five days and not a damn word. I will not chase you; what the hell were you thinking?"

"I wasn't…I…Greg I was scared."

"Of what? You don't have to be afraid to tell me anything. We have established this…I am not going to hurt you. You hurt me."

"If you write this book," she turned her back to him. "it will hurt me."

"Claudia Jean, look at me and talk to me. If you do not talk to me this is over. This can't work. I love you, but I can't do this."

CJ took a deep breath and clutched her travel bag. Her hands were shaking and she couldn't stop them.

"CJ…"

"I had a one night stand with John Hoynes. It was a long time ago, before he was Vice-President. He was a charismatic Senator, I was the media director for Emily's List, and we wanted to endorse him. It was a party and there was drinking, but I don't need to go into the details. I regretted it the second it started to happen but it was too late. It is the biggest regret of my life. And now you have to know about it. I hate telling you this but better me than him. He knows we are together and I think he is baiting you. I am just a notch and I don't even know if he cares but that doesn't mean he wouldn't hurt you."

"Did you have an affair with him?" Greg asked.

"No! It was one night, though I was approached for encores. Several, including early days in the White House."

"You were being sexually harassed by the Vice-President of the United States?"

"Please, I don't want to talk about this anymore. It all stopped after the world found about Leo and I. John never crossed Leo."

"You wanna look at me now?"

CJ turned around and Greg saw the tears. He moved to take her into his arms.

"Your past, mistakes and otherwise, is yours. We are never going to have enough time to compare battle scars. Why didn't you just find some way to explain it to me instead of walking out?"

"I didn't want you to think less of me." She whispered.

"Impossible. I love you so much, and when you said I didn't it broke my heart. Don't you ever say that to me again."

"I won't, I promise." she shook her head, allowing him to wipe her tears. "I'm sorry."

"I turned down the offer, though it was not because of what happened with us it's too much work and I just don't want to do it anymore. I like being semi-retired. Your story was a labor of love for me."

"I love you." She pulled him into a hug.

"I love you too baby." Greg held her tighter. "I thought I lost you."

"No, no, I'm right here. I'm sorry Greg. I'm so sorry."

"Shh CJ, it's OK. Shh, don't cry."

She trembled in his arms and Greg just held onto her…he was never letting her go again. The sobbing and shaking finally subsided; CJ was able to stand on her own. She still held his hand.

"Is the worse over?" he asked. "Our first fight and we made it through."

"Yeah. I lost a lot of time on my birthday project. You wanna help?"

"I do, but first…" he pulled her into his arms again. "Five days worth of kisses; God I missed you."

CJ dissolved into giggles as Greg covered her in kisses. He pushed the bag on the floor, which it hit with a dull thud. They fell onto the bed and CJ just laughed.

"Greg, Greg…"

She could hardly talk as he kissed her everywhere and the tee shirt flew over her head.

"I love you so much cookie."

He held her closer as the kisses slowed, became more passionate. CJ moaned into his mouth, unbuttoning his dress shirt.

"Make love to me Gregory."

"Oh I am, I definitely am."

***

Friday night dinner was a bi-monthly potluck ritual at CJ's condo. They would sit around and talk about the old times, and the current messes. Some nights they pulled out pictures or even went there and played cards or a board game. Tonight the whole family was there…CJ and Greg, Toby and Nora, Donna and Cliff, Josh and Hogan, and Charlie and Zoey. They sat around the living room munching on the delicious steamed dumplings Toby cooked and Hogan's Cajun alligator with brown rice. Babyface played softly in the background.

"No, no, I am denying that." CJ said.

"Deny all you want Claudia Jean." Josh said. "There was a look of knowledge in his eyes."

"Shut up." Toby replied. "I was the one who wanted to know why there would be an article."

"None of this would have happened if you had not hung up on me Tobus. You left me with Tad."

"If I would have known…"

"I was telling you when you hung up on me!"

They all laughed as Charlie tapped his fork on his wineglass.

"I would like to make an announcement. Monday I will hold a press conference and announce my intention to run for President of the United States."

"Oh my God, Sparky!" CJ jumped to hug him as the men stood.

Buzz started throughout the living room. Toby and Josh looked as if they had both been given a shot of adrenaline.

"Is that why you did the college speaking tour this spring?" Hogan asked.

"Mostly." Zoey replied. "The young vote, as well as minorities, is going to be big for us, if we can get the turnout."

"Who's running this?" Josh asked. "You gotta have the right people."

"I have some good people. David Garrison from my office is forming a real team as we speak. We're going to get some good people from the party behind us, I got money, and I'm bringing in the young people, all races. I can depend on you two to consult right?"

Toby and Josh low fived.

"Of course." They said in unison.

"This is fantastic." Donna said. "Let us know if there is any media work we can do."

"Well, my headquarters will be here in New York. I would love it if you and Nora could put together a media team for me."

"Yeah." Nora agreed. "We can do that in a week."

"Will you stump for me Mrs. McGarry?" Charlie asked.

"Are you kidding me…to the moon and back. Here we go again."

"We want a real grass roots campaign, like daddy's first." Zoey said. "We want to speak for people who feel they are not being spoken for. Its time."

CJ studied Zoey and she saw the gleam in her eye…she was ready. This was definitely something she wanted.

"Well Charlie, that is fantastic news." Greg said. "I have something to say myself but that trumps it. Congratulations."

"Thanks Greg. Say what you need to…don't let me steal your thunder. Hey guys, Greg wants to say something."

Charlie sat back on the couch, putting his arm around his wife. The room was quiet and all eyes were on him. He felt more nervous than he had in years. CJ looked at him, a smile behind her eyes.

"What are you up too buddy boy?"

"Um…" he pulled the ring from his pocket and Nora covered her eyes. Oh God, this could only end badly. She and Donna clutched hands.

"Claudia Jean McGarry, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Now mind you, this is not an engagement ring, as it has been well established that marriage is not for either of us and you are to spend your afterlife with Leo and we can only be friends. But here, right here, now, in front of all the people you love, I want to commit my heart and soul to you."

"Oh CJ, you can't say no to that." Toby said. "That was sweet and embarrassing."

"Shut up Tobes." Nora said.

CJ took a deep breath and held out her right hand.

"Yes, I will commit to us, with all my heart." She pulled him close to whisper. "We'll have the soul discussion later."

"My soul cookie; its all that matters."

They kissed and Greg slid the ring on her finger. It was a two-carat princess cut sapphire set in platinum.

"Its beautiful." She said, caressing his face.

"You're beautiful. I love you."

"I love you too."

"A toast." Toby held up his glass. "To Charlie, the next President of the United States. And to CJ, the almost Mrs. Gregory Brock."

"That's all you got speechwriter?"

"I'm old, what do you want from me?"

"I thought it was quite Toby-esque." Josh said.

"Thank you Joshua. Cheers."

All their glasses came together and the celebration continued.

***


End file.
